Though not quite the ‘Mother of deals’ as the Indo-EU trade pact was gushingly described, the Indo-US handshake on trade might, continuing the family analogy, be called the Auntyji of deals, or bearing Uncle Sam in mind, the Chachaji of deals.

While Indian exporters have welcomed it, as have HarleyDavidson enthusiasts, Opposition has slammed the trade pact as a “Blow to the stomachs of India’s 720mn farmers” by allowing the import of US agri products.

I am not an exporter of anything to US, not even of myself temporarily as a tourist to Trumpistan from where I’d probably get deported as a suspected illegal migrant, and I have never mastered the discipline of riding a bicycle let alone a motorcycle, so the ingress of Harley-Davidson’s mean machines doesn’t bowl me over.

As I’m not a farmer, I don’t feel punched in the stomach by the trade deal. Indeed, my stomach has responded enthusiastically to the declaration of our commerce minister, Piyush Goyal, that India will import US apples for ₹80 a kilo, even as we keep our farmers fully protected.

The last time I looked, Indian apples of various colours were selling for between ₹219 and ₹250 a kilo. The unasked question is how come Indian apples cost three times as much as apples that travel all the way from the far side of the world, creating a gigantic carbon footprint as well as a possible shortage of apples in America for US moms to make apple pie the way they used to.

Whatever the reason for the exorbitant price of India-grown apples, it likely prevents the farmers themselves from being able to afford to eat them.

With American apples at eighty bucks a kg, everyone, farmers and all, will enjoy them. And our apple growers can switch to the cottage industry of making agri helmets for all those people whizzing about on Harley-Davidson bikes.

And everyone will agree that the Indo-US deal is the apple of our collective ‘Aye’.

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