Forget papers. Watch what we do

Friends, humans, countrymen (if you can prove it), I have a few testers to settle this baffling question of Indian citizenship. I also have doubts about putting my name to these because I worry you will hunt me down on social media and give me grief. Or you will find my house. Or you will find my number and call to ask where I am. Still, here goes:

● When something is barred, I say, ‘just do it’. For instance: no entry, no parking, no spitting, don’t sit on the floor, no shoving and pushing fellow passengers, don’t stand up until the seatbelt-off sign goes off…

● I choose to ignore express signage, or in the presence of many such signages, prefer to ask the two people shooting the breeze under it the way to my destination.

● I’m all for Atmanirbhar Bharat, but I will throw myself at my child’s Class 2 ‘water cycle’ project, poor thing. The classmates expect it, the teacher expects it, the ‘system’ expects it. My child deserves it.

● More important to me than entrance exams, degrees, choice of profession and what-not are clearing exams, scoring marks and producing flawless certificates to that effect.

● If anyone points out faults in my work, I reassure that person with a koi nahin and carry on. If said person persists, I find the quickest fix, so we can carry on.

● I believe love for spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend/other family members is to be expressed behind closed doors. Love for motherland must be on public display at all times.

● Punctuality, queue, courtesy – these are stifling, unimaginative

Western notions. Time is relative, a queue can be a cluster concept not just linear, and niceties just mean I don’t like you enough.

● As a corollary, I’m closest to you if I can spring any of these questions on you: When am I going to eat at your son’s/daughter’s marriage feast? What is your take-home ‘roughly’? You’ve really put on, is it a hormonal thing?

● I will check 10-12 reels on average for an authentic Punjabi rajma recipe. On questions of economics, geopolitics and diabetes home remedies, I defer to my trusted WhatsApp uncle/aunty.

● I believe work-life balance is for losers, it seriously hits productivity. If you want to argue about this, catch me during my fourth tea break/sixth sutta break at 4pm. If you already received these wisdoms on Telegram yesterday, well, congrats!

END OF ARTICLE