Manoj Bajpayee has revealed that he has contemplated quitting acting several times over the past decade, admitting that the emotional burden of inhabiting complex characters often leaves a lasting impact on him. During a recent conversation, the actor also spoke candidly about ageing, mortality and the sacrifices that came with his pursuit of success.

‘For nearly 10 years, I have felt like quitting’

Speaking about his relationship with acting, Manoj admitted that thoughts of leaving the profession have crossed his mind repeatedly.“Yaar aapko sach bataun, kareeb 10 saal se na beech-beech mein mann karta hai ki main chhod doon. Lekin phir kabhi koi role aa jaata hai, phir main chala jaata hoon,” he told Ranveer Allahbadia.The actor stressed that he does not want to continue working out of necessity. “Main acting ko majboori ke taur par nahi karna chahta hoon ki mujhe ghar par daal roti le jaani hai. Mujhe acting karni hai agar koi charitra hai, usko nibhane mein bada maza aayega.”Interestingly, Bajpayee revealed that he is now drawn towards lighter, commercial entertainers after years of taking on intense, psychologically demanding roles.“Aajkal mera bada mann kar raha hai commercial film karne ka… out-and-out slapstick comedy, nonsense comedy. Thoda gaanon-vaanon pe naacho. Ghar se koi taiyari karke nahi aana hai. Sirf family ko goodbye bolo aur set par achha time bitao,” he said, calling it an “escape” from the kind of work he has been doing.

‘Dark characters take a toll’

Bajpayee acknowledged that some of the darkness from films such as Gali Guleiyan, Aligarh and Bhonsle continues to linger within him.“Sometimes I am aware of the darkness that I feel mentally. Sometimes I exactly know where it is coming from. Gali Guleiyan se aata hai, Aligarh se aata hai, Bhonsle se aata hai,” he said.The actor added that such roles often lead to intense mood swings and emotional exhaustion, making spirituality an important anchor in his life.

‘You are moving towards your grave’

The conversation later turned philosophical as Bajpayee reflected on ageing and death.“Whether I look forward to it or not, I have to come to terms with one thing that is constantly changing. The life. You are moving towards your grave, towards your funeral pyre,” he said.The actor noted that ageing has become increasingly tangible in everyday life.“Jo mere body ke cells the woh sab purane ho rahe hain. I feel it while climbing the stairs, I feel it while coming down the stairs,” he shared.According to Bajpayee, death is an inevitability that people must learn to accept rather than fear.“Woh jaana hai aapko. Woh toh jaana hai. Uske liye sochna kya hai? You should know it and try to come to terms with it.”

Looking back at the cost of success

Bajpayee also reflected on the sacrifices he made while chasing his ambitions, particularly the time he lost with his parents.“Materialistically, yes,” he said when asked whether the struggle had been worth it, before adding, “But I lost too many things.”The actor recalled spending much of his life away from home — first in boarding school, then in Delhi, and later in Mumbai — which created a distance between him and his parents.“Sometimes I feel, yaar, kuch samay aur mil jaata mujhe mere pitaji ke saath. We could have understood each other better. Ya meri maa ke saath hum apne personal issues sort out kar sakte the,” he said.While he acknowledged that success gave him the freedom to choose his work, he admitted that not every sacrifice feels worthwhile in hindsight.“Materialistic fulfilment ke baad jab aap peeche mud ke dekhte hain toh lagta hai ki not all was worth it,” Bajpayee said.